Humor

Pokojni sarajevski reporter Sreto Scepanovic:

Naseg boksera Svetomira Belica, dragi gledaoci, prepoznacete po belim gacicama, a njegovog protivnika Motungua iz Kenije po crnim gacicama

Nema mi gore stvari, nego kad drmam ki sivonja, a ona me njezno pocne milovat dlanom po licu.

Ma kakvi god da bili, pedofili uvijek uspore voznju kad dodju blizu skole.

Imam strah od zatvorenog prostora. Stalno se plašim da ću poći u birtiju, a ona zatvorena.

 Dokazano je da kava jako potiče agresivnost. Moja žena cijelu noć pije kavu i onda kad dođem u 3 ujutro iz birtije, jako je agresivna.

A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the
mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had
nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye
contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said,
"Let's go to my apartment,..... I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts;
they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and
solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the
best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered .... "Outside, when you said you heard
someone coming.... that was me."

evo ja ne znam...

Ima još sa foruma, ovome se nasmijem ko blesav 

Ispricavam se ako je bilo...

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

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https://t.co/5Qj6oamszt

ako vam po defoltu zvuk nije ukljucen, obavezno ukljucite...naglas sam se poceo smijati

Probudio se ja u subotu popodne, zena mi donosi dorucak u krevet. Ja u cudu, tost, juice, slanina i jaja, gledam sto je ovo, kad ona donosi cokoladu. Ja zbunjen ali sutim i pokusavam se sitit koji san kurac napravija u petak. I nista, doso rucak, kad ono biftek, polukrvav, bas kako volim, a poslije rucka kolaci. Meni dopizdilo, pitam ja nju koji kurac, a veli ona da sam dosao mrtav pijan doma, i da me krenula svlaciti i spremati u krevet, a da sam joj ja rekao: pusti me na miru kurvo, ozenjen sam!