Humor

Crni Humor

Pismeni zadatak iz filozofije, a tema je: Recite nešto, na sažet način, od tri sljedeća pitanja: 1.Religija 2.Spolnost 3.Misterij. Samo je jedan zadatak dobio ocijenu pet. Ovaj: Bože moj! Trudna sam! ali skim?

Luđaci

Dvojica ludaka demontiraju bombu. - A ako eksplodira? - uznemiruje se prvi od njih. - Bez brige. Za svaki slucaj imam jos jednu.

Poznati i slavni

Ako želite znati gdje se Jacques Houdek sada nalazi provjerite na Google Earthu

Seksi vicevi

Posle prve bračne noći mladina prijateljica je upita: • I, kako je bilo? • Jao slatka moja, bilo je super, fantastično... A tek ona stvar! • Ju... šta mu je? • Ma, ništa mu nije, nego je nov, novcat! • Kako znaš? • Pa još je bio u celofanu!!!

Oglasi - Penzioner udovac želi da upozna ženu sličnih sklonosti.    Oglasi -

Izuzetno zgodna plavuša, 19 godina, vitka, visoka, prijatnog izgleda, inteligentna i vedra, stalno nasmejana, finansijski dobro situirana, nema nikakvih predrasuda i kompleksa, bez obaveza, trenutno nije u vezi, ima malo izraženije grudi, voli društvo, voli sve oblike kontakata i u tom pogledu nije izbirljiva, ceni potpunu otvorenost, diše punim plućima i voli intenzivan i maštovit kontakt, prodaje motokultivator od 5 kW, povoljno!

Oglasi -

* Povoljno kukamo po sahranama

Zagonetke - Kada se čita s lijeva na desno ima slovo K, a kada se čita s desna na ljevo nema K!!! RJEŠENJE:KAMEN(čitaj s desna na ljevo NEMAK)!!!!!!!!

Muž (vraca se kasno sa posla): 
- "Zdravo dušo. Logiram se..." 
Žena: 
- "Što misliš o kupovini novog televizora?" 
Muž: 
- "Internal error. Out of resources." 
- "Daj mi kreditnu karticu, želim u kupovinu." 
- "Sharing Violation. Access denied..." 
- "Voliš li me koliko voliš i svoj kompjuter ili ti služim samo za zabavu?" 
- "Too many parameters..." 
- "Pogriješila sam što sam se udala za tebe." 
- "Data type mismatch." 
- "Ti si totalno lud." 
- "...by Default." 
- "Što je s tvojom placom?" 
- "File in use. Try again later." 
- "Što ti se dogodilo s autom jutros?" 
- "System is unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot." 
- "Hoceš popiti još malo vina?" 
- "File system is full." 
- "Što misliš o mojoj familiji?" 
- "Unknown Virus."

Ovo mi se dopalo.

Evo malo stand upa - Eddie Murphy  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fp67geuhJM&feature=related

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpGM2fbevDI&feature=related

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts4sEBb2K3s&feature=related

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHYzEtR_mY4&feature=related

Richard Pryor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txp8B4ek_kk&feature=related

i iz naxeemovog potpisa

Od centrale do centrale, šetale se tri budale: prva pije, druga puši, treća s metlom čačka uši!

Hvali se Mujo Hasi:
- Jučer sam Fatu učio plivati, a vidi je sad, već pola sata roni.

Umrli Talijan, Nijemac i Hrvat i dolaze oni pred Sv.Petra....

''Pa kako ste umrli, što se desilo'', pita Sv. Petar.

Prvo će Talijan: ''A kupio sam novi Ferarri i tako malo autocesta, gas, 300 na sat i hebiga ubio se…

Zatim Nijemac: ''A ja si kupio novi Porsche, pa isto tako autocesta, gas, kiša, sklisko, 300 na sat i ubio se....

In onda će Hrvat: ''A ja si kupio novi Audi A8, isti kakav ima i susjed...''

''Da i ???'', pita Sv. Petar, ''pa kako si umro ???''

''…a od gladi''.

sta nije hebeeeen

Mail poslan u Customer Support-u negde :))



Subject: Check Your Version

Dear Product Support: 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. 

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, S2000 futzing 2.0, and 3 Stooges 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. 

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me? 

-------------------------------------------- 

Dear Sir: 

This is a very common problem that men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. 

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0, and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within you system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. 

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. 

Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\>APOLOGIZE. 

In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. 

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. 

Good luck.

^©Lazarus Long

A ne znam za vas, al ja sam se pošteno nasmija

http://www.bug.hr/forum/topic/ostalo/otkriven-novi-oblik-zivota/17975.aspx