ovo je huuuumor....
Kako je Pinochio doznao da je drven?
-Dok je masturbira, zapalila mu se ruka.
Ošišao se mali cigo do glave i dođe kući pred majku:
- Mama, mama pogledaj, ja sam sada skinhed!
- Šta si? Dođi 'vamo! - ubi majka maloga od batina.
Posle pola sata batina, nailazi stari i mali opet pred njega:
- Tata, tata, vidi, ja sam sada skinhed!
Uhvati i stari klinca, pa ga još pola sata izudara. Gleda mali ciga:
- U majku mu, tek sam sat vremena skinhed, a već mrzim cigane!
==============================================
Budi se Ivica u cik zore i ode u kuhinju, kad tamo nepoznati
muškarac otvara hladnjak i gleda što ima za pojesti...
- Zdravo, ti si novi baby sitter?
- Ne, ja sam novi mother fucker!
==============================================
Teta u vrtiću pomaže obuti čizme malom Ivici koji je pitao za pomoć. On je gurao, ona vukla, a čizme nikako na noge. Kad su obje čizme bile navučene na jedvite jade, teta je bila sva u znoju. Skoro se onesvijestila kad je Ivica rekao:
- Teta, čizme su na krivim nogama.
I stvarno, bilo je tako. Nije bilo lako ni skinuti čizme, a kamoli ponovno ih navući. No, na koncu su bile čizme svaka na pravoj nozi. Mali Ivica tada objavi:
- To nisu moje čizme!
Teta se ugrize za jezik da ne bi zavrištala.
- Zašto mi to nisi prije rekao!!?
I uz napor mu ponovno izuje čizme. Tada mali Ivica nastavi:
- Čizme su od mog brata. Mama ih je dala meni.
Teta nije znala da li da plače ili se smije... Nakon novog navlačenja čizme su ponovno bile na nogama. Teta tada upita:
- A gdje su ti rukavice?
- Pa, ugurao sam ih u čizme...
Kako policajci otvaraju konzerve?
S pendrekom kucaju po poklopcu i viču!OTVORI , POLICIJA!"
Kako kinezi pitaju gdje im je jakna?
- Komisakomako?
Došao Tarzan u bosnu, sretne Husu i kaže:
-Ja sam Tarzan.
Veli Huso:
-Ma ku*ac si ti Tarzan. Tarzan zna pričat sa životinjama.
-Pa znam,.. Hoćeš da pričam sa tvojim psom?
Huso znatiželjan pa kaže:
-Ajd može
Zalaje Tarzan "vau-vau-vau", a pas njemu isto:
"vau-vau"
Kaže Huso:
-Ma, bogati, što kaže?
-Kaže da si ga jučer držao gladnog cijeli dan.
Misli se Huso "Jebote, stvarno zna pričat, al možda je slučajno pogodio" Pa kaže Tarzanu:
-Ajd, kad si Tarzan, pričaj sa mojom mačkom.
Zamijauče Tarzan: "mijau-mijau", a mačka njemu isto:
"mijau-mijau".
-Što kaže, majke ti?-pita Huso.
-Kaže da si je prekjučer šutnuo nogom pa je 3 metra letjela u vis.
Misli se Huso: "Jebote, stvarno zna".
Ugleda Tarzan kozu kako pase malo dalje pa pita Husu:
-Hoćeš da popričam sa kozom?
-Nemoj!!! Laže, kurva, mater joj je*em!!!
razgovaraju mali i veliki zemljotres. Veliki:
- E šta ti radiš??
- Pa onako, ja sam mali, malo protresem, razbijem koje staklo, otpadne žbuka..a ti??
- Ja sam veliki..ja tresem, zemlja puca, tsunami i te fore..
-A koliki si po Rihteru?
-Osam
-Na ku*ru te nosam..
neznam dal je bilo al ajd:
Sjede Mujo i Haso na klupi.. I pita Haso Muju: Mujo šta si uzo Fati za 8. Mart?
Odgovara Mujo: Uzo joj.... Uzo joj 100 maraka
danas malo prelistavao stare časopise i nađem ovaj oglas u autoblicu iz 98 haha...
Jel mi moze neko reci gdje da nadjem one uokvirene slike?
evo dole slika za objasnjenje
Netreba meni vote treba mi link za te slike
I am Microsoft of Borg. Resistance izkx
GPF 0x5654 8820
Application RESIST.EXE has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.
I am Sinatra of Borg. Start spreading the news. We're assimilating today. You will be a part of it: the Borg, the Borg.
I am JFK of Borg. Ask not what the collective can do for you, but what you can do for the collective.
ma gitak tv je najjači
ja mislio neka zena, nisam uopste gledao xD
da ne bude off topic:
Došao Haso kući s posla i pita Fatu:- Di su bolan djeca?Kaže Fata:- Na engleskom.A Haso će:- Ok, where are the kids?
Jel mi moze neko reci gdje da nadjem one uokvirene slike?
evo dole slika za objasnjenje
Evo jedan koji ja povremeno pregledavam, ima odličnih slika: http://verydemotivational.com/
Dobra stara vremena....
razgovaraju mali i veliki zemljotres. Veliki:
- E šta ti radiš??
- Pa onako, ja sam mali, malo protresem, razbijem koje staklo, otpadne žbuka..a ti??
- Ja sam veliki..ja tresem, zemlja puca, tsunami i te fore..
-A koliki si po Rihteru?
-Osam
-Na ku*ru te nosam..
Nista te ne krivim, bio je daaavno, ja ga stavio :D
U gluho doba noći dopratio mladić Mujinu kći do nebodera.
Stali oni pred ulaz da se pozdrave.
Stoje oni tako pa se mladić mačovski podboči i osloni na neboder pa reče:
- De, bona, hajd ga malo popuši majke ti!
- Što ti je? Može netko naići!
- Ma, dušo moja, brzo ćemo.
- Ma može naić netko od komšija pa će reć mom babi i puknut će bruka...
- Ma joooj.. Hajd bona, znaš ti mene, začas ću, za sekundu...
- Ma nemoj me...Rekla sam ti da neću sad!
- Medu moj, znaš da te jako volim....
Uto se otvore ulazna vrata i pojavi se Mujina mlađa kći, u spavačici,
sva raščupana i krmeljava, te kaže:
- Reko mi je babo da vam kažem ovako:
Jel da mu ga ti popušiš, jel da mu ga ja popušim, jel da sačeka da dođe moja mati iz noćne smjene pa da mu ga ona popuši,
samo, brate, nek skloni tu ruku sa interfona!!
Ok eo nesto nezz jel vec bilo all ako upisete u Google where is Chuck Norris i kliknete na prati me sreća...
Ok eo nesto nezz jel vec bilo all ako upisete u Google where is Chuck Norris i kliknete na prati me sreća...
bilo već puno puta
There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castle, guarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights.
* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives on a mighty steed wielding an enchanted sword.... slays the dragon, rescues the princess and makes her his queen. The bards continue to write songs about his exploits to this day.
* SYMPHONIC METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess, and they make love in an enchanted forest.
* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f***s her....... easy and quick.
* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and f***s the princess.
* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f***s the princess and kills her, then leaves.
* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.
* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, f***s the princess and kills her.Then he f***s the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he f***s the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f***s it for the last time.
* GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That’s the end of the sad story.
* GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell’s eternity.
* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess’ bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the ’HEAVY METAL’ protagonist.
* INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
* SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she’s been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.
* CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to ”thank” the protagonist he replies, ”Sorry, but I don’t believe in having sex before marriage.”
* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess’ make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
* BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.
* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
* NU METAL 2nd version
The protagonist arrives, whines about how horrible the world is and how bad his parents treated him. The princess is impressed by his sensitive side but not the dragon, which quickly Bar-B-Q’s the poser.
* EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.
* GRUNGE
The protagonist doesn’t get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won’t go near him either, and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other mosha’s due to the over consumption of white cider.
Viking&SpeedMetal - hahhhaaa
* EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.
Najjači xD
* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess’ bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the ’HEAVY METAL’ protagonist.
Looool! Na ovom sam puko!
Idu dva pimpeka ulicom. Jednog pregazi auto, a drugi se popiša od smijeha
Zašto se svi boje malog cige iz 1.c? Zato jer mu stari ide u 8.b :)
