Humor

Tek sad? :P

Jack Sparrow kaže...

Novi Mamićev ispad, ovaj put je nadmašio sam sebe.

kakav car od covjeka..haha

Meni on meni nije nimalo gotivna osoba, i vidim da ga baš dosta ljudi ne voli. Najžalije mi je onih koji odista vole Dinamo iz srca a ne kao on koji Dinamo vidi samo kroz biznis i kroz novac...želi na njemu profitirat, ako dobro kužim... :) Mislim da njemu nema puno vremena za ostat na toj poziciji na kojoj je sad

Bosanski triatlon, popis disciplina:

1. DIZANJE kredita
2. PLIVANJE u dugovima
3. PRESKAKANJE mjesečnih rata

Sretnu se Mujo i Haso na ulici. Mujo bez desne ruke i bez oka. Haso:

-Šta je, Mujo, šta se dogodilo?

Mujo:

-Ma, kladio sam se sa Suljom u oko da mi ne može iščupati ruku…

Vuče mama dete po stepenicama, držeći ga za nogu. Penje se mama, penje, a dete odvaljuje glavom o svaku stepenicu. Na šestom spratu sretne komšinicu: -Dobar dan, gospođo.

-Dobar dan, komšinice.

Ugledavši dete krvave glave kaže:

-Čujte, ne želim se petljati u tuđe poslove, ali ako ovako nastavite, maloj će ispasti šeširić!

-”Ništa se vi, komšinice, ne brinite. Šeširić je dobro zakucan.”

Čita deda novine i okrene stranu sa umrlicama, kad uleti unuk i kaže:

-Šta je deda, opet si na fejsu?

Jučer pod fizikom profesor sjedi za katedrom i zuji pogledom po razredu, očigledno umirući od dosade, dok cijeli razred u relativnom miru (čitaj: ništa nije bilo strgano) priča i baš kao i profesor - dosađuje se. I tako do zadnjih deset minuta sata, kada je profesor ustao i rekao: "Ne znam, ja idem, a vi kak oćete". Zatim je otišao, kao i mi.

Isti taj profesor, kaže profesorica iz vjeronauka, došao je prekjučer u zbornicu i reče: "Pa ja imam prijatelje na Facebooku, a da to i ne znam!". Naime, jedan kolega iz razreda se malo našalio i napravio mu profil, za koji je profesor sad saznao.

mislim da je to isto offtopic

Hahahahah, EPIC!

a reakcija?

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

Today, my boyfriend who likes to get high was driving me insisting he wasn't currently high. A family of deer was standing on the side of the road and he pulled over by them waited until they walked closer to us and said, "what seems to be the problem officers?" He wasn't kidding. FML

Today, I was at the mall blasting music, I was wearing a nice shirt and had my ipod in my breast pocket when I noticed a cute girl smiling at me so I smiled back and she started to walk over while turning down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

Recite samo dok je dosta toga da se prebacim na nešt drugo :D

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

Today, I went shopping at Macy's for swimsuits with my mom. I told my mom that I hated all the suits there, and that I wanted to get them at Dick's Sporting Goods. My mother then said, in a loud voice, "STOP BEING SO OBSESSED WITH DICKS!" Half the store stared at me. FML

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML