Humor

OCD

Dobar i humorističan muzički spot.

Koja je razlika izmedju muskog analnog otvora i zenskog??

Muski je anus a zenski je bonus....

Ribičija :) :) :)

Za takve bi trebalo otvorit temu tragikomedija.

nadam se da nije bio, vrijedi ga pročitat :)

Hercegovac Mate je bio čovik koji nije završio srednju školu, čovik bez velike budućnosti. Ali jednog dana je doša na razgovor za posa direktora u INA-i u Zagreb i nakon razgovora gazda mu kaže: ' - - -"Mate, mi te jednostavno ne možemo zaposliti, nemaš ni srednju školu, ni predznanje ni iskustvo.
Mate mu odgovori: ''Sve je to u redu gospodine, ali ja van znam sve ljude na svitu.
Pita ga gazda: 'Kako sve ljude?'
- Pa eto ja vam znam sve ljude na svitu, evo ja van predlažem da me zaposlite misec dana, ne morate me platiti, a ako vam dokažem da ih sve znam onda ću dobit posao.''
Kaže šef: ''Može, ionako nemam šta izgubiti.''
Prođe tjedan dana i ništa, šef je već mislio potjerati Matu, kad dolazi Berlusconi i kaže šefu: ''Dobar dan, jel Mate ovdje negdje?''
Šef u šoku i uputi ga k Mati, a iz sobe se čuje:
''Pa di si Mate kućo stara; Di si Silvio jebaču stari, jel jebeš šta?'' Šef u šoku, al ajde možda je namješteno, još on ne vjeruje Mati.
Opet tjedan dana prođe i dođe Obama, ista priča:
"Jel Mate ovdje? - Šef je gotov, ne može vjerovati i uputi ga k Mati i opet se čuje:
''Pa di si Mate legendo; di si Barače crnčugo stara, otkad se nismo vidili, jel ratuješ šta?''
Šef je ostao šokiran i kaže Mati: ''Mate zadnji test, ja te vodim u Vatikan i ako mi mahneš sa balkona zajedno sa Papom dobit ćeš posao.''
Mate pristane i krenu oni u Vatikan, uđe Mate unutra i počne pozdravljat ljude, kad za par minuta evo njega na balkonu sa novoizabranim papom Franjom I. i maše prema šefu, kad se šef onesvijesti.
Dođe on do njega i kaže mu: ''Šefe pa što ste se onesvitili reka sam van da poznam sve ljude na svitu?''
Kaže mu šef: ''Mate moj kad sam te vidio sa papom kako mašeš to sam još nekako i shvatio, ali onda je došao neki Kinez i pitao: ''Ko je onaj u bijelom pored Mate?

A radio station was running a competition – words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”

DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”

DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”

Caller: “Goan fuck yourself!”

The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:

DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.”

DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ‘smee’.”

DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ‘smee’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”

Caller: “Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!”

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Just keep in mind this was on live radio.... 

On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL, they call someone at work and ask if they're married or in a serious relationship. If yes, then this person is asked three very personal questions and the significant other's name and work phone number. If the significant other answers correctly, then they are winners. 

This particular day it got interesting: 

DJ: HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know "Mate Match"? 

Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do. 

DJ: What is your name? First name only please. 

Contestant: Brian. 

DJ: Are you married or what Brian? 

Brian: Yes. 

DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean your are "married" or what, Brian? 

Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes I am married. 

DJ: Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what is your wife's name? First only please, Brian. 

Brian: Sara. 

DJ: Is Sara at work Brian? 

Brian: She is gonna kill me. 

DJ: Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work? 

Brian: (laughing) Yes she is. 

DJ: All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex? 

Brian: She is gonna kill me. 

DJ: BRIAN! Stay with me here man. 

Brian: About 8 this morning. 

DJ: Atta boy. 

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) Well... 

DJ: Number 2: How long did it last? 

Brian: About 10 minutes. 

DJ: Wow! You really want that trip huh? No one would ever have said that if it there weren't a trip at stake. 

Brian: Yeah, it would be really nice. 

DJ: Okay, final question: where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning? 

Brian: (laughing hard) I ummmmm... 

DJ: This sounds good Brian; where was it? 

Brian: Not that it was all that great, just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time. 

DJ: Ooooooh, sneaky boy! 

Brian: On the kitchen table. 

DJ: "Not that great"? That is more adventurous than the last hundred times I have done it. Anyway, (to audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.

(Advertisements) 

DJ: (to audience) Let's call Sara, shall we? (touch tones...*ringing*) 

DJ: Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?

Clerk: This is she. 

DJ: Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now. 

Sara: (laughing) A couple of hours? 

DJ: Well, a while anyway. He is also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose, soooooooo, do you know the rules of "Mate Match"? 

Sara: No. 

DJ: Good. 

Brian: (laughing) 

Sara: (laughing) Brian, what the hell are you up to? 

Brian: (laughing) Just answer his questions honestly, Okay?

Sara: Oh, Brian. 

DJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara I will now ask you three questions and if you answer exactly what Brian has said, then the two of you are off to Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does include tickets to Disney World and Sea World. 

Sara: All right. 

Brian: (laughing) 

DJ: All right, when did you have sex last Sara? 

Sara: Oh God, Brian...this morning before Brian went to work. 

DJ: What time? 

Sara: About 8, I think. (sound effect) DING DING DING. 

DJ: Great! That's one. Now! How long did it last? 

Sara: Oh God! Brian...ummm, about 12, 14 minutes I think DING DING DING. 

DJ: Okay, the judges say that's close enough, I guess she's trying not to harm his manhood. 

DJ: Last question: where did you do it? 

Sara: OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?! 

Brian: Just tell him honey. 

DJ: What is bothering you so much Sara? 

Sara: Well, it's just ... just that my mom is vacationing with us and... 

DJ: SHE SAW?!?! 

Sara: BRIAN?!?! Jesus?!?! 

Brian: NO, no she didn't. 

DJ: Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. Your answer? 

Sara: Dear Lord... Brian, I cannot believe you told them this. 

Brian: Come on honey it's for a trip to Florida. 

DJ: Let's go Sara, we ain't got all day. Where did you do it? 

Sara: In the ass. (long pause) 

DJ: We will be right back.

(advertisements) 

DJ: I am sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida. 

sigurno neka plavojka



Kako se zove mislimanka koja radi u Vipu?
Tarifa.

EDIT: 

Za one koji imaju Fejs..

Snalazljivi tata zna kako zavezati svojoj curiti repic... 

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=133039160211043&set=vb.36737889669&type=2&theater

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EDIT: Da ubacim koji vic o ....... 

Svaka država ima svoju mafiju,samo u Hrvatskoj mafija ima svoju državu!

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Hvala stari. Odmah me je prestala boliti glava 

Samo da ima malo vise sisica :D